Where has my Woo gone? And is it coming back?!

So often in my time as an Holistic Therapist, and as a spiritual/new-age retailer, I see in my clients and customers, many challenges that I've faced myself at some point in the past. Whether that is a crisis of faith in my beliefs, or having done a dive into the Shadow to explore something that is preventing me from healing and moving forward, I would have an experience to share with them that would help them see they're not alone. I've been humbled to have so many people over the years offer their gratitude for meeting me, or having spoken to me about their challenge and hearing that it's possible to come through the other side as a better person for having gone through the difficulty.

At times though, the situation is somewhat reversed, as I then see myself faced with similar challenges that many of my clients and customers are experiencing. You could say it was a global energy shift, or part of some bigger, Universal plan that is putting us in similar situations at the same time. And, of course, all of that may be true. However, it's important not to forget that although we are part of a Universal collective, we are also individuals.
That, whilst there may be a collective energy that is affecting us all, we will also have number of very unique circumstances that we've faced in our lives that will mean we each react to that global energy very differently. And what may work for one person to heal that, or process a way through it, may not work for another.

Over the course of the last couple of years I've had a number of physical health challenges occur that, in themselves gave me an insight into how very differently I now look at my life compared to 10 years ago. This contemplative time, whilst laid up in bed with a bulging disc, and very slowly easing myself back into being upright, showed me just how much I've rushed and pushed through my life previously. It literally knocked me off my feet and made me take things so slowly that I had time to really consider everything that was going on in my mind and in my body, and forced me to become so much more patient with myself. 
It also allowed me to see more clearly what it is that many of my therapy clients have experienced over the years, and why they appreciated the care I took with their massage or energy work.
I was always way more patient with my clients than I ever was with myself!

I made changes in my working life to suit this new awareness and began to adapt everything to make sure I didn't push myself too much ever again. And for the first 6 months, that was great. 
However, what I was not aware of at the time, but am now most definitely more clear about, is that I will often be so focused on my physical health and understanding how the physical body impacts me mentally and spiritually, that I forget to stay in touch with certain areas of my Shadow that require constant attention. That little voice inside, the one I learned to hear during many years of therapy, the voice that needs to feel heard, then becomes muted and left neglected. It's the voice of my younger self, my inner child, if you like. And it may be a little voice, but it packs a powerful punch and can impact things on such a level in my unconscious that I begin to experience physical symptoms. I being experiencing an increase in anxiety, depression, lack of self-worth, and I begin to get angry at the outer world around me.
That strength of that voice has been building for the last year or so, and I've been doing a bit of a juggling act with my outer world and inner world.

THE INNER WORLD WILL ALWAYS WIN!

It has this uncanny knack of triggering old doubts and fears, experiences and emotions that will impact the outer world. So much so, it eventually manages to detach my mind from it entirely and I become insular. I lose interest in people, in what's going on in the daily lives of even my closest of family and friends.

About 5 months ago that detachment happened.
I totally lost my connection to the outer world, and went full-on insular.

I knew that this could be devastating. For my family life and for my business, so I began making changes to accommodate how I was feeling. But, accommodating does not work for the long-term. It took a while, 4 months to be exact, but I eventually got to a point where I just knew I had to focus entirely on my inner world to have the slightest chance of being able to work again. It took a further couple of weeks to be able to hear the voice within once more, and I slowly began to see reflections of that voice in the world around me.
I would hear from people who would say something that I just needed to hear and almost out of the blue, I was given a situation where I needed to reconnect with my former therapist for some paperwork.
After speaking to her it was like a light went on. The Universe had grabbed a megaphone in that moment and shouted at me exactly what I needed to do and it was only because I had totally stopped and allowed myself to quieten the noise of life, that the message was able to come through.

I began the search for a new therapist immediately. I felt such a relief talking about me when I was chatting about the content of my earlier therapy sessions, that it was clear I needed to talk to someone outside of my usual world. It's important to note, especially if you don't know me that well, that I have the most amazing husband and children. We talk about everything, with no shame, no judgement, and without fear of recourse. But, the insight that they have into how my head works, only comes from the lessons I've learned about myself during therapy. They're not qualified or experienced in psychology, and so cannot help me explore the unexplored! This is why I feel it's so useful to engage with a therapist. The support from family and friends is invaluable, but they are support for the journey, not the guide we so often need.

After just the initial session with her, a meet and greet and get to know what you're hoping to achieve from therapy kind of thing, I knew that this was going to be the way to finally get my head into gear around so many things, including work and reconnecting with people. 
I started to see things happen after that first session, so it's exciting to know that amid the challenges that I know will come as part of this journey, there will also be some major healing.
I'm getting ideas that are now starting to manifest into action, which is usually a very good sign for me, and I'm starting to want to venture out into the world. Heck, I even went into a shop just to browse today while Jonny had his eyes tested, on my own! I think that this little miracle meant he was quick to forgive me spending a bit more than I'd planned, too. ;)

This is a bit of a long-winded way to give you an update really, especially as it's an update to say that I'm still not returning to work lol, but I wanted to let you know that there are signs of life.
When we struggle with mental health issues it can be hard to see the wood for the trees, but there is a light at the end of this tunnel and I know in my heart that when I begin to get into some regular emotional dumping with my new therapist, things will start to move forward. 

You will, I hope, be pleased to hear that I do have a plan forming for Woo Woo Guru, and I'm slowly laying the foundations during those moments when my head is in the right space and when my body allows me to sit and focus. No sneaky insights for you yet, it's still early days. However, it feels good. It feels like it's something that will grow when I'm ready for that, and I will most definitely share it with you when the time is right.

All my love,

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